My Life Will Never Be The Same Again

This was writen on 9/28/2012. I wanted to wait until I had a picture taken of my final pregnant belly before posting.

Well it's 3:20 am in the morning on Friday. Why am I up you ask? Well it's because I feel like a little kid knowing she's going to have the biggest Christmas day of her life today. A kid who is going to Disneyland for the first time today. I feel like I'm 8 years old and I just can't stay in bed one second longer! 

Today I am having my first child. I was laying there in bed super uncomfortable and thinking about how I wish the next four hours would just fly by and I realized that this would be the last four hours that I would be pregnant for a while. My head got to spinning and I decided that I should really get something down in writing  about my thoughts and feelings of the past nine months.

I know that through facebook I commented a thousand and half times about the woes of pregnancy. You need to understand, it's not that terrible. It's just so easy to focus on the negative feelings your when you're on facebook. My back hurts, I'm feeling sick, baby is kicking my ribs, yada, yada, yada. The truth though is that it is such and amazing experience. One that I would never give up in a million years. It's amazing how before you can even hold this little one that you feel  a connection. It's amazing that before you can even really look at this thing growing inside of you that you love it unconditionally. It's amazing that you literally are not just growing a baby inside of you for the last nine months but that you're growing into a mother.

Obviously you know that I'm excited. I'm excited to the point where I can't sleep even though I'm going to have one of the toughest days ahead of me today. I'm also feeling fear. After today my life will never be the same again. I will, today and forever be a mother who has to put the needs of her child before her own. I know I can do that because I've been preparing since we found out we're going to have a baby, but it's so easy to doubt whether or not you think you're going to be a good mother. I'm also scared for my child. Today she is going to be exposed to the world. Their are so many scary and dangerous things out here. A part of me thinks she would be safer inside my womb where nothing and no one can touch her or hurt her, but she needs to come out and start living her life. She needs to make mistakes, learn, and grow. That is why we are all are here on earth. Isn't it?

We chose not to tell anyone but our parents that we were getting induced today. We know the risks for first time mothers being induced, but I've been between 4 and 5 cm dilated and 90% effaced and my doctor doesn't think I'll have a problem getting to full dilation. We went back and forth on whether we should call some of our closest friends to tell them about being induced, but we decided to just wait and tell you when I was actually in labor or when the baby was actually in our arms before telling anyone so please don't be offended that we didn't tell you.

Lastly, I'm overall just thankful to my Lord and Savior for this perfect and pure gift I'm receiving today. How exciting is it that I'll get to hold my daughter today who chose to come down and be tested? I get to hold someone today who hasn't made a single mistake yet and is perfect. I'm very excited to get to know her spirit. 

I'm sure I could go on and on about how excited I am to have this little one in my arms but I'll leave it here for now.

Oh before I end I do want to get some of the more selfish reasons of why I'm so excited to not be pregnant anymore. Hopefully no more back pain, I'll be able to pick things up easier, I'll get to eventually wear my pre-pregnancy cloths again, hopefully no more heartburn or acid reflux, and a couple more but that's all I'll be sharing here!

Me right before we headed to the hospital.
40 weeks and 1 day!